Did I miss a memo? Did "I'm Sorry" go out of fashion? Is it no longer acceptable to tell someone that you are sorry?
I guess I'm no longer hip or in the know, because I still tell people that I'm sorry when I've hurt them. I feel like saying "I'm sorry" let's the other person know that I do care about them and their feelings. We all have times when we take something to far or push a little more than we should and after the heat of the moment has died down and we've come back to our senses we should be able to clear the air and say "I'm sorry".
Unfortunately for me, in several recent situations where I have been hurt things have not been cleared with any type of apology and frankly it has left me with quite a bad taste in my mouth. I feel very disrespected. I feel that my feelings were never heard or taken into consideration. I feel like somehow my feelings and my opinions are not valid to anyone but me.
I used to be an emotional fighter. I still take things to heart, but I try to fight fair. I try to leave personal out of it and just focus on the issue at hand. I have become efficient at sifting through the petty arguments to find the root problem and expose it. However, I think this is something many others cannot, will not, or have not learned to do. It makes conflict very difficult for me because when you are fighting with someone who cannot take the personal out you are never going find resolution. Because of this I have also become very good at isolating myself from those who do not try or do not wish to fight fair. I find myself just putting myself in a bubble and drifting away from them - not because I'm angry or upset, but rather because resolution cannot be made and I have no desire to continue in a hurtful relationship. In my life experience those people who cannot say that they are sorry, those who cannot step outside of themselves and see their destructive behavior, those who always have to be right no matter what the cause are just toxic to me and no matter how hard I may try I cannot fix what is wrong. I think often people mistake my isolation as retreat or weakness, but I actual see it as a sign of strength.
In my life if I do not put myself first after my faith, then I am no good to anyone. If I walk around with toxic relationships weighing on me and pulling me down I quickly become toxic to others. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the person who walks around with a genuine smile on my face. I want to be the person who gets up in the morning and feels happy to be alive and ready to face the day's challenges. I want to model love and kindness to my children. I want to be the person my children remember as happy go lucky and full of life.
Life has thrown me some curve balls. It has thrown some really hard situations my way. It has thrown some very turbulent and hurtful relationships my way. And it has been through these experiences that I have been able to process and learn who I am, what I need, and what I can and can't allow in my life. I have learned to be strong for myself so that I may then be able to be strong for others. I will no longer punish myself with toxic relationships. I will no longer allow people to pull me down and disrespect me. I will no longer feel bad about severing ties with those who are unable to fight fair and say "I'm sorry" because at the end of the day if you are willing to disrespect me it is probably because you disrespect yourself and that is something that I cannot fix.
