Loving and being Loved

Lately this topic of love has been hitting me square in the face. Specifically the way we love verses the way that we want to be loved. For me I think this is something I struggle with because I see it differently then many others......stick with me...this could get complicated......

We all need love in our lives to be fulfilled - we get it from many different people in our lives in many different ways. We all show love in a variety of ways and crave love back in just as many different forms.

For me, I show love through doing. It may be a kind note or email letting you know that I'm thinking about you. It may be time spent together. It may be an offer to help you do something. I am a doer. It is who I am. I am also a lover. I think that these two things go hand in hand. I don't very often do something for someone out of obligation - I do it because it is in my heart to do it. I never offer help hoping someone won't take me up on it. I don't keep score (I've done this for you and I hope you will repay me for it). I genuinely love to help others - it makes my heart smile!

With all that being said - doers are not feelers. And this is my downfall. I am not touchy feely. I am slow to notice small details (so I'm sorry if I missed your new haircut). I don't compliment enough, probably because I have a hard time accepting compliments. I can sympathize to a point, but there is a point to which I reach the point of "Suck it up and move on!" See - this is my downfall. I think it causes hurt for others because they expect me to be a feeler.

This leads me to the question that has been circling around in my head for days ......would the world be a more peaceful place if we were able to accept love in any form in which we received it not just in the form that we expect it? I think so many times the hurts that we sustain in our relationships stem from our perception that others should love us the way we want to be loved - not in the way they have to offer love. So often this failure, the shortfall can leave us feeling let down, hurt, unloved. When in truth we are just missing what the other person is sharing of themselves.

It's a huge challenge. Human nature is not easily changed so that makes it difficult for us to offer love in a way someone else expects, wants or needs, but that we are not "made" to give. That shortfall leaves the wanter of love feeling unloved and the giver of love feeling guilty and inadequate.

So where is the middle ground? I wish I had the answer to this question. I don't know. I know that you cannot help how you want to be loved - being loved is the very existence of happiness. However, it is hard to change how you offer love too. Expecting someone to be what they are not is not fair either. So where do the two coexist?

I don't know that there can be a definite answer to this. But what I do think is helpful is being more cognisant of how others offer us love and trying to find fulfillment in that. I think if we could see those gifts of love no matter how they come wrapped we would find that our life truly is blessed and that God brings us together for very specific reasons. I don't think it is an accident that we are paired with people (be it friends or family members) who are different than us. It is those very differences that challenge us to grow.

I hope that this blog post gave you something to think about. You may totally disagree with my thoughts and that is completely okay. You may be scratching your head thinking...you know I never really thought about it that way before. I hope it will challenge you to look for the love gifts that you may have been missing! I know it is something I am going to be working on!