Today started out promising enough, but go ugly in the middle and then ended on an okay note.
This morning I had Bible Study which was good and then we headed to lunch which went fine as well. I thought it was kind of funny that our study today was on anxiety because I definitely felt anxiety on seveal levels today.....
1. In a total weird encounter - my best friend from childhod was at Qdoba today. I hadn't seen her since 2005 - yeah isn't that crazy. I've talked with her lots over email, but we haven't been in the same room in years. She looks AMAZING! So my first bout with anxiety comes upon me. Here I am looking like I look nd wishing I could look like she looked. You know, I don't really think about it on a daily basis. I actually think that I look pretty good, especially for having 3 kids (and seriously I'm not fishing for compliments here, just venting) - but she's had 2 kids and has the figure of a teenager! Seriously! How do you do that? So then on the way home from lunch I'm beating myself up over this. I know it is silly! We are all beautiful in our own way and we can't all be stick thin. It takes all body types and shapes - blah blah blah. I know all this in my mind, but tell that to my heart!
2. When I got home I unloaded the kids and I had to use the restroom in the worst way. So I'm trying to hurry and of course the girls are taking their sweet time! So in my haste to get into the house I didn't notice that the little red rope from the garage door has gotten lodged in the van door as it closed. I get everyone in the house and hit the button to close the garage door, I go to the bathroom and when I walk back by I can still hear the garage door motor. So I open the door and the garage door is stuck - and not closed! I panic thinking I've broken it and just want to cry! How am I going to tell my brother! Luckily - all that happened was that I had shut off the power to the lift! Oh thank goodness!
3. So by now my head hurts and I just want to take a nap. I put one girl to bed in her room and the other in bed with me. I feed the baby and put him in his bassinet and proceed to lay down and fall asleep. JH* in the meantime gets up from her nap and goes into the bathroom where she coats her head with handsoap! JN* comes and wakes me and tells me that JH* is in the bathroom! I could have just screamed when I found her! I had to give her a bath to get it all out! Another run in with our friend anxiety!!!!
4. So this all leads to my not so proud mommy moment today! The girls were playing in the living room and my phone rings and it's my brother. He asked about my day and in my ending frustration I said "It's not been a good day - I could just give them away". It was innocent, just said out of complete tiredness and frustration. When I got off the phone JN* was crying and asked, "Are you really going to give us away?" Oh my goodness. I have just ruined her for life. I hugged her and told her how sorry I was and that I would NEVER give them away that I loved them too much. I know she probably won't remember I said it come tomorrow, but it still broke my heart! I never want my children to ever think for one moment that I don't love them in any way because no matter what they do I will always love them. I may not like their actions, but I will always love them no matter what! So seriously, I will never ever being saying anything like that again - not even joking. They are too important and I just need to learn to let go of the frustration! MAJOR ANXIETY!!!
So to end the day I had some ice cream from Dairy Queen (yes I know - this won't help my problem as described in #1) to wash down my sorrows! And now I'm going to feed the baby and go to bed!!! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!
