I am Evolving

I've been stuck. Stuck between a broken heart and a will to move forward. Stuck between knowing what I need to do and the ability to do it. Stuck inside a person I at times barely recognize.

I think the line between knowing and doing can be the hardest line to cross. In my case that line felt more like a fence, a wall. Fear was controlling me, body and mind. So many times my heart would be saying, "Go for it!", "You can do it!". However my head was saying, "Better go slowly", "What if you get hurt again?", "You may be getting in over your head!", "You're going to step on some else's toes.", "They won't like you.", "What if they don't get it?".

I didn't used to be that girl. I used to move forward full steam ahead. If an idea found it's way to my head I would find a way to give it a try. I didn't use to put so much value on what others might think. I used to be "the glass is half full" girl.

So what does this all mean? I found this quote:

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl

In the past two years my situation has not really changed even though I have tried to put a band-aide on things. So I think that it is time to change myself. It is time Fito stop looking at the world with a "glass half empty" mentality and start looking at all the good things. I am not perfect. I know that I will slip from time to time. But I am going to do my best to look at things with a better perspective. I am going to do my best to not let the words of others tear me down. I am going to do my best to let go of those things that I cannot change and move forward in a way where that situation changes me for the better.

1 Peter 3:8-22
8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. 11 He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." 13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." 15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 17 It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. 18 For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, 19 through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison 20 who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, 21 and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also--not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 22 who has gone into heaven and is at God's right hand--with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him.

There is a lot of hope in these verses. Remain calm. Stay the course of truth. Hold on to your hope in Christ. Do not grow weary of doing the right thing even in the midst of hardship. Stay true to Christ, stay true to yourself.

I'm making a vow to turn myself around. I am going to be a better me. I am going to look for the positives and quit letting the negatives pull me under. I am worth more than I have been giving. I have more strength then what I have been showing. I can be bold and courageous because my Savior reigns and He will never leave me or forsake me.

I have not been true to the me that He created me to be. But that is all about to change......