I'm still a work in progress

I'm still a work in progress. I'm working on living in the moment instead of trying to plan out what the future will hold. I'm working on let go of the heartaches and thoughts that have been weighing me down - erasing the blackboard if you will and going at it again in a different way.

Today has been kind of a rollercoaster day for me - as I think much of January will be. However, I know the challenges that I'm facing this month and I'm trying to work through my feelings and emotions proactively.

We took the kids this afternoon to play at Conner Prairie. It was the last day of the Gingerbread House display and I had been saying that I wanted to see it since it opened up in December. Wow, nothing like waiting until the last second, but we made it happen. It was a super cool display. Maybe next year we'll put in a family entry. I think it could be a really cool family tradition.

The rough part of my day came when I got to thinking about birthdays. We've got 2 big ones coming up in my family this month. My middle child turns 5 in the middle of the month and I turn a number more than 25 the day after her. Both are bitter sweet for me. I can't believe that my little peanut is turning 5. Where have the years gone. 5 seems so grown up for her. I guess she and I will always kind of have this bittersweet battle of the ages. When she turns 20 I'll hit a really big number. When she hits 30....well you see where this is going. So maybe my rough feelings really aren't about her age, but about my own. I know that age is just a number and it isn't so much about the number as it is about where I thought I'd be in my life by this number. Some big goals I had have not come to fruition and I don't know if they ever will, and that is really a hard pill for me to swallow. I have to trust that God knows what He is doing and just continue to do the best with all the blessings that I have been given. So my friends, if you see some posts about my birthday, and my feelings about my birthday just know that I'm working through it all.

It's going to be a challenging month. It's going to be a challenging year for that matter. But I am determined that I am going to come out on the other side of 2011 a more put together, self-aware, fun-loving, generous person.