So my Mother's Day started at 3:30am this morning with a vomiting child. Poor Jenna....I felt so bad for her. We had to strip her down and I had only brought one pair of pjs for her so we scrambled to find something for her to wear. Brett was sweet and let me sleep in until 9am after that, but with Jenna being sick that meant we couldn't all make it to church. This was very sad to me for 2 reasons. The first being that Mother's Day is a huge deal in my family and we always all go to church together - Great Grandmother, Mother, Daughters and Granddaughters. Only today there were no granddaughters there. The second being that I thnk this may have been the last Mother's Day when that chain would be in place. My grandmother is in failing health - not only that, but she truly wants to die. Every chance she got today she would talk about the fact that she wouldn't be here much longer. She gave me an angel and told me that it was so that I would always remember her. She gave Brett a check to go and buy a new suit for her funeral. It was just all so sad - to see her giving up - not willing to continue to fight.
She has always been a rock in my life - a strong Christian example. I admire her stories of hardship and sacrifice that she has endured and overcome. She is an amazing women who came from an amazing woman (I'm so thankful that I knew her mother - my great-grandmother) and who raised an amazing woman (my mother). So much of who I am is because of who these women are and the examples they lived out in front of me. So it was just so sad for me today to hear her talk about the end of her life as if she knew it were tomorrow. That day, when it comes - when God decides to take her to Heaven, will truly be one of the hardest days of my life.
So today was just a hard day for me. Even as I sit here at the end of the day reflecting my cheeks burn with tears. I know no one lives forever, but to have someone say goodbye in such a way is just so very sad to me.
3 comments:
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your sad Mother's Day... and about your grandma. I know that has got to be hard. I have lost one of my grandmothers but it was several years ago and I wasn't very close to her-- and my other one I was very close to, but she is suffering from Alzheimer's, so it's almost like she's already leaving us, but she is physically healthy... so I can't imagine what it must be like for you to have a grandma you are close to who is going through this right now. I'll be thinking of you.
I hope Jenna is feeling better!
A couple days ago I had one of those days where I realized why we have a Mothers Day, b/c we deserve it. Sounds like your Mothers Day was an ironic reminder of everything that we do throughout the year. Maybe this year you need to have your own Mother's Day-get your generations together (maybe get your picture taken) have a good meal and hopefully no sick kids. It doesn't have to be "Mothers Day" to celebrate the fact that you are a great mom.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. It is so hard to hear someone you love talk about death, especially when you wish they could stay forever. I hope that the day got better and you were able to relax a little...or at least sometime soon you'll be able to.
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